The Desire for Love

The Lord doesn't ask for much-- He just asks for all we have. And yet He provides all we need.

This novel idea has become more of a reality to me in the past two weeks than in my entire life thus far. As a recent college graduate going into full-time ministry funded by support, I oftentimes questioned God as to how I would be provided for, yet there is a burning desire in my heart to provide some reflection of the Lord to others as well. I didn't know it would be possible. But God knew-- and He did it through a 26-year-old stripper.

I knew some about Jane before I met her. I had been interacting and praying for strippers in Athens ever since the Lord stirred my heart for purity in this city. Hanging out with them I always felt the same unmet need hidden behind the facade of strength and seductions: pure, unconditional, and God-given acceptance of the core person inside. So when my friend Jacob said he met a stripper when her car broke down outside his work, I began to pray for her. He offered to pay to get her car fixed but she never called back. We didn't know if we'd see her again. But God knew.

Leaving our prayer chapel last Thursday night, we ran into Jane--literally--we almost ran over her. She was walking right by us as we were pulling out of the parking lot. Jacob stopped us, "Hey- that's Jane!" As we rolled down the window, Jonathan called to her and she turned, inquiring as to who was calling her.

He said, "It's Jonathan."
She asked again and he repeated himself.
"I'm Jonathan--a friend of Jacobs."

She later told us that the night before we met her she was laying in her bed and the name Jonathan kept going through her head.

"It was like something outside of myself," she said. " And when he said my name, it was like deja vu."

She didn't know why that name kept stirring in her heart that night--but God knew. He was calling he, and he used Jonathan's name and voice to do it.

Right after we met, we took Jane into the chapel and talked to her for a bit. Minutes into the conversation needs began to surface. First, the physical needs became evident: she was hungry, and tired, and needed a shower and place to stay. Slowly, timidly, the deeper needs of her heart began to surface. She was lonely. She was tired of the constant critics and judgmental glances. She just wanted to be herself--and be loved.

I knew the Lord wanted to do more for Jane than just provide her a warm meal for that night. Having an extra bedroom in my apartment, I prayerfully decided to open up that part of my home to her. Wisdom was key in this decision, ans I don't suggest doing something so precarious unless you have clarity from the Lord and a good support system. Thankfully, I have both.

Jane and I began to get to know each other. She was very childlike in some ways, yet she had experienced more in her 26 years of living than most people experience in a lifetime. She told me about her dreams: she wanted to get married--her ring would be wooden with a heart in the middle of it and her husband would ride a horse into the ceremony and then jump off and marry her. She loved to paint, and she wanted to sell her paintings "so other people could enjoy them." She told of her dark days and the times she felt like giving up. "I was thinking about killing myself with rat poisoning before I met you," she said. "But I guess since you really care about me and love me I must be worth something right?" Jane is worth more than she can even comprehend right now.

Jane and I did girly things as well. We talked about boys while giving each other facials, and popped popcorn while watching Pride and Prejudice. When I would spend time with the Lord, she would sit on my bed and listen as I read verses from the Bible. "What is God like?" she'd ask. Combining the 1 John principle that God is love and the ever-so-famous 1 Corinthians verses on love, the Lord began to paint a picture of Himself through those spoken words on the page.

"God is patient, God is kind. God does not envy, or boast. He is not proud or rude. He is not self-seeking. God does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. He always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. God never fails."

Jane had never known a God like that. To her, God was sexist, and God was unfair. God had allowed her to live on and off the streets for almost 10 years. Horrible things were done to her in the name of God. To Jane, God equaled everything scary and hurtful. She didn't know who God was or how much He loves her. But God knew--and He was set on showing her.

The paradox-surrounding ministry is that God oftentimes uses availability much more powerfully than ability. I had no clue how to help Jane be open to a God whom she was deathly afraid of. All I knew was that His perfect love has been driving out the fear in my heart, and His "kindness leads us to repentance." His love is what compels us to change, and so I began asking God for the grace to love Jane as He does. Ans He began to provide it. Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." I had never thought I would have such a strong desire to love, but God began tot show me the true meaning of that verse. It doesn't say, "delight yourself in the Lord and he will FULFILL the desires of your heart," it says He will "GIVE you the desires of your heart." He began to give me a new, overwhelming desire in my heart to see this woman truly free and walking in confidence and love.

A main way this was going to come about was through prayer. The Lord laid it on the hearts of those in our ministry to pray for Jane, and they interceded for hours daily. They were incredibly faithful in prayer and helped out with practical things as well. Some dedicated a room in their house to be an intercession room to pray for Jane. They literally began to pray for her salvation into existence. God wanted it all along;He just gave us the privilege of taking part in the process so we could rejoice as He does.

This past Sunday at church pastor Vic was talking about how to meet the needs of others. Jane and I sat quietly in the back corner that morning and I asked her whom we could be praying for in her life. We came up with a few names and that night, as I began to pray as we always did every night before bed, she began to pray as well. She asked God to forgive her for hurting a person on our list, and she thanked God for the people in her life. I hugged her and told her I loved her and headed to bed.

As I lay on my bed, my heart was stirring. I couldn't get the thought out of my spirit that God wanted Jane to be His...tonight. Less than a minute later, she knocked on my door. She asked me a quick, nonchalant question and then I asked her a powerful one: "Jane, do you believe God is real?"

Her words pierced me. "I think I do. Because if you could love me like you do and your friends do and you guys believe in Him, I think He is real. I guess I was just never inspired by religion before this," she said.

You see, Jane didn't need a sermon. She needed a living reflection of the love of God. Jane needed arms to hug her, and hands to provide for her, and hearts turned towards her simply because she was a child in need of love--as we all are.

Jane and I talked about Jesus and what it means to really be His. A few minutes later, Jane prayed, "God, I used to believe in you because everyone told me to and it was how I was raised, and then I didn't believe in you because of all the bad stuff that happened to me, but now I want to believe for myself. I don't really know how it all works, but I want to believe." She didn't know how, but God knew.

A few minutes later we were reading in her favorite book of mine, Apples of Gold. A quote stuck out and we decided to memorize it:"I put my faith in God, not in my faith." It was perfect for Jane. She need someone solid to hold onto, someone whose character never changes, someone whose love isn't fake or seductive, and someone who affirms who she really is. It's not a difficult task for God, He was the one who created her with every detail of her being-- of course He delights in it!

After we prayed and Jane accepted Christ, we rejoiced in the fact that we'll be in Heaven together someday. She looked up at me with her big brown eyes and asked me an unassuming question:"Has anything ever happened to you where you just knew that God was real?"

Without hesitation, my heart burst with joy as I looked her in the eyes and truthfully declared," You, Jane. You."